Everything you ever wanted to know about poop...but were afraid to ask.

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AdminPermalink Reply by LM Fowler - Admin on March 12, 2009 at 7:04pm

Facts About Poop
The Scoop on Poop
Also, check out the Facts on Farts
What is poop made of?
About 3/4 of your average turd is made of water. Of course, this value is highly variable - the water content of diarrhea is much higher, and the amount of water in poop that has been retained (voluntarily or otherwise) is lower. Water is absorbed out of fecal material as it passes through the intestine, so the longer a turd resides inside before emerging, the drier it will be.
Of the remaining portion of the turd, about 1/3 is composed of dead bacteria. These microcorpses come from the intestinal garden of microorganisms that assist us in the digestion of our food. Another 1/3 of the turd mass is made of stuff that we find indigestible, like cellulose, for instance. This indigestible material is called "fiber," and is useful in getting the turd to move along through the intestine, perhaps because it provides traction. The remaining portion of the turd is a mixture of fats such as cholesterol, inorganic salts like phosphates, live bacteria, dead cells and mucus from the lining of the intestine, and protein.

AdminPermalink Reply by LM Fowler - Admin on March 12, 2009 at 7:04pm

Why does poop stink?
Poop stinks as a result of the products of bacterial action. Bacteria produce smelly, sulfur-rich organic compounds such as indole, skatole, and mercaptans, and the inorganic gas hydrogen sulfide. These are the same compounds that give farts their odor.

Why is poop brown?
The color comes mainly from bilirubin, a pigment that arises from the breakdown of red blood cells in the liver and bone marrow. The actual metabolic pathway of bilirubin and its byproducts in the body is very complicated, so we will simply say that a lot of it ends up in the intestine, where it is further modified by bacterial action. But the color itself comes from iron. Iron in hemoglobin in red blood cells gives blood its red color, and iron in the waste product bilirubin gives rise to its brown color.

To SmellyPoop.com
Hi,
A friend of mine just sent me the link to your website for fun. I really enjoyed the ‘Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work’. However, I believe that there is an error among your explanation for the color of feces. The brown color is a result of broken down red blood cells, but I don’t think that it’s a result of iron. Most of the iron that is released from the breakdown of heme is reabsorbed by cells in the bone marrow for incorporation into new red blood cells. That’s why we don’t have a large daily requirement for iron in our diets. Anyhow, what remains of the hemoglobin is then called biliverdin, which is converted into bilirubin and is excreted. This compound can build up in some people and cause jaundice. The colors of these molecules are due to their complex structures, which contain rings of carbon and nitrogen atoms. Intestinal bacteria further modify bilirubin to produce urobilinogen and stercobilinogen. If I remember correctly, the red color of blood is also due to the porphyrin ring of heme and not iron.

So, you're absolutely correct to say that it’s a complicated explanation and it has to do with the breakdown of red blood cells, but I don’t think that iron has anything to do with the brown color of poop or the red color of blood.

-Dustin

What other colors of poop are possible?
Poop is mostly shades of brown or yellow, but other colors can arise under certain circumstances. For example, someone with a bleeding ulcer might have tarry black poop from the presence of partially digested blood. Bleeding in the intestine, from an anal fissure or split, for example, can stain the poop red. Some illnesses in babies gives them green or even blue-green poop. But another source of blue poop in children is more innocent: it can come from eating a concentrated source of blue food coloring such as ice cream. Intense red food coloring can produce bright red poop. Sometimes brightly colored foods pass through the gut almost unchanged, and the turd may be speckled with bright red fragments such as pimentos, or bright yellow kernels of corn.
One can experience white poop after consuming a barium milkshake for the purposes of getting an x-ray of the upper gastrointestinal tract.

AdminPermalink Reply by LM Fowler - Admin on March 12, 2009 at 7:06pm

What is the cause of yellow poop?
According to Michael F., one cause of this is Gilbert's Syndrome. "I have a benign condition known as Gilbert's Syndrome. It affects quite a few people, males mostly, in their teens+. It is a deficiency in the liver where red blood cells are broken down. I was informed when this was diagnosed that the broken down blood cells is what gives poop a lot of its color. People with Gilbert's Syndrome don't process as many blood cells - or not as fast - and their poop tends to be pale brown or yellow from the lower quantity of discarded red blood cell matter. This is especially true if there is less matter in your intestines (i.e., on a diet - as I have noticed) to remove the excess blood cells. Very frightening until you determine what is causing it. Gilbert's is a totally benign thing that doesn't harm anyone, although when a person is sick they can turn yellowish as if jaundiced, but it is not jaundice."
Another cause of yellow poop is a giardia infection. Giardia are tiny Protozoan parasites that can invade the intestines and result in severe yellow diarrhea. It is a dangerous and contagious affliction that doctors are obligated to report to the Center for Disease Control.
What is the cause of green poop?
(Question submitted by ap, CrAzYMiC98 and several others)

I have consulted with a doctor, a physiologist and a microbiologist on this question, and the following summarizes their answers:
Healthy people can have green poop if they eat a diet rich in leafy green vegetables, or if they consume large quantities of food coloring (in ice cream, cake frosting etc.).
Green poop can also be caused by excess iron in the diet, from dietary supplements, for example. If the body does not absorb all the iron consumed, the iron may stain the poop green, the color of iron (II) salts. Ordinarily, the green color may be masked by the normal brown poop color, but if digestion is thrown off by illness so that bilirubin is less concentrated in the intestine, the green color may become apparent. This can happen when a person is afflicted with diarrhea.
Green poop in sick babies may come from iron in baby formula not being properly absorbed, or by green pigments in bile salts (again, green from iron).
Why is bird poop white?
(Question submitted by Sarah Beth)

Unlike mammals, birds don't urinate. Their kidneys extract nitrogenous wastes from the bloodstream, but instead of excreting it as urea dissolved in urine as we do, they excrete it in the form of uric acid. Uric acid has a very low solubility in water, so it emerges as a white paste. This material, as well as the output of the intestines, emerges from the bird's cloaca. The cloaca is a multi-purpose hole for birds: their wastes come out of it, they have sex by putting their cloacas together, and females lay eggs out of it.
Why do dogs (and other animals) eat poop?
Many animals eat poop on a regular basis. These include rabbits, rodents, gorillas, many insects such as dung beetles and flies, and yes, dogs. (Keep that in mind the next time a dog wants to lick you!) Herbivores such as rabbits and rodents eat their own poop because their diet of plants is hard to digest efficiently, and they have to make two passes at it to get everything out of the meal. This is equivalent to a cow chewing its cud, only cows are able to re-eat their food without having to poop it out first. Another reason why animals eat poop is that poop contains vitamins produced by their intestinal bacteria. The animal is unable to absorb the vitamins through the intestinal wall, but can get at them by eating the poop. Another reason that animals such as dogs and flies eat poop is that poop contains a certain amount of protein. Dogs are particularly fond of cat poop because cat poop is high in protein. I had a friend with a dog and a cat, and he never had to clean the kitty litter. The dog took care of it.

Are there people who eat poop?
People who eat poop Yes, we all have, at one point or another. One of the main ways that diseases and parasites spread is through the consumption of food and water contaminated with feces. This happens because people don't wash their hands carefully after pooping or changing a diaper or scratching their butt. It can also happen through careless disposal of diapers. Our microbiologist here on Guam says that one dirty diaper in Tumon Bay can send the bacteria count through the ceiling.
But of course, what you want to know is, are there people who eat poop on purpose? Again, the answer is yes. Some autistic children practice coprophagy, the ingestion of feces. Coprophagy is also listed as an unusual sexual practice in the encyclopedia of that name.
I have known only one person who ate poop on purpose, and she only did it once, when she was about four years old. She says she was curious about what it tasted like. When asked what poop does taste like, she replies, "About like you'd expect."
By the way, for all of you who are wondering, the author of this page does NOT eat poop.

Can you get sick from eating poop?
(Question submitted by Wendell)

Yes, you can definitely get sick from eating poop, even in minute quantities! Although urine emerges sterile from the body (unless the person has an infection), poop emerges loaded with bacteria and sometimes other life forms. Many diseases, including food poisoning, cholera and typhus, are spread by fecal contamination. Many parasites, such as the notorious tapeworm, can be spread through deliberate or accidental ingestion of poop.
There are some parasites, such as pinworms, who depend on people eating their own poop to keep the population up. Pinworms are small nematodes that live in the colon. The females emerge from the anus at night to lay their eggs. Their activity makes the anal area itch. The person scratches the itch (often doing so in his sleep), procuring a small amount of fecal matter and eggs under his fingernails, and then puts his fingers in his mouth. Once the eggs are consumed, the person is infected with a new generation of pinworms.
I have read that almost everyone has pinworms. Luckily, pinworms don't do much harm. You only notice them if you have a lot of pinworms! If you want to find out if you do indeed have them, get someone to gently touch around your anal area with Scotch tape while you are sleeping. The worms will stick to the tape and you'll be able to see them.
Do most people wipe their left-over poop standing up or while sitting on the pot, and are there gender differences?
(Question submitted by ICEMAN)

This isn't really scientific, but I did a quick survey, and everyone asked (including both males and females) said that they wipe sitting down. There was even a reason provided: that sitting down spreads the cheeks apart and makes access easier. This survey was done on Guam, and Guam is technically part of the United States, and most people here probably use American toilet habits. However, if you travel a bit, you will discover that people deal with left-over poop in different ways in other parts of the world.
In Europe, for example, that water fountain in the bathroom isn't for drinking. It's a bidet for hosing off after using the toilet.
In Southeast Asia, you don't sit on the toilet at all. The toilet is a low, porcelain-lined trench, and the user squats over it. Next to the toilet is a bin of water. You scoop water out of the bin with your left hand and use that to cleanse yourself. You aren't supposed to use your left hand for any other purpose.

AdminPermalink Reply by LM Fowler - Admin on March 12, 2009 at 7:07pm

How come when you eat corn, no matter how much you chew it, you poop it out in whole kernals?
Corny Poop
(Question submitted by Timzx)

Corn poop is one of the greatest mysteries in life. I grew up pondering the same question. This is what I think is happening:
When we chew corn, the outer coating slips off the inner kernal. This outer yellow coating is almost entirely cellulose, and is indigestible. It passes through the gut untouched, and emerges looking like a whole kernal, although it is mostly just the outer skin. The inside of the kernal is starchy and digestible, and that is the part that we succeed in chewing up.
Is there any way to prevent corn from getting in your poop?
(Question submitted by Steve)

I know of only one way - don't eat corn!
How does poop stay together, like in links?
(Question submitted by Blink182 Girl)

In humans, soft poop is really one long, mostly continuous sausage before it comes out. It gets its "link" look because we tend to pinch off lengths of it with the anal sphincter as the poop emerges. If a person pinches hard enough, the poop separates into several turd units. If the person doesn't pinch that hard, the turds may stay connected.
If you can remain sufficiently relaxed, you can produce an awesomely long poop that will coil up inside the toilet.
Why does some poop float?
(Question submitted by High Rise)

Floaters are turds that have an unusually high gas content. Sometimes the gases produced by bacteria in our gut don't have a chance to collect into a large fart bubble, but remain dispersed in the feces. The poop then comes out foamy, and has a lower density than water.
What causes the burning sensation sometimes associated with poop?
(Question submitted by torrance crump)

This is generally caused by a recent meal of hot peppers or related spices. The oils associated with these foods remain intact and active all the way through one's gastrointestinal system. These oils can also generate hot farts.
Fire Butt - Hot Farts
Why does some poop hurt when it comes out?
(Question submitted by Rwinger01)

Turds can get very large and dry if a person is constipated, causing painful stretching of the anal opening. Pooping can also hurt if the person has hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids are engorged veins in the anal area. A doctor once described them to me as "varicose veins of the anus," which suggests that the valves in the veins that are supposed to keep the blood flowing in the right direction have gotten messed up. Pooping can also be painful if the person suffers from an anal fissure, a tear in the tissue of the rectum.
Does eating meat make your poop smell worse?
(Question submitted by MAE5158)

Yes, meat protein is rich in sulfides, resulting in smellier farts and poop. This is the reason that the poop of carnivores such as dogs, cats and snakes smells worse than the poop of herbivores such as cows and horses.
Is it possible to vomit poop?
It is not possible unless the person is suffering from some extremely rare condition or disorder. I had a roommate once whose summer job was to administer barium enemas to patients in a hospital. She told me that one patient vomited the enema.
Is it possible for a man to have poop come out of his penis, or for a woman to poop out of her vaginal opening?
(Question submitted by Booby Poop, Jr. and LaysTatoChips222)

Not normally; fortunately the plumbing of the genitalia is entirely separate from the plumbing of the digestive system! However, there are certain pathological situations that can cause the pipes to get connected together wrong. Cancer can do it, as can surgical diversions of the human tubing. Such fistulas, as they are called, can cause feces to come out of the urinary system, or urine to come out of the anus.
Can you blow up a toilet by throwing a cigarette into it after pooping?
(Question submitted by msiddi)

This sounds like urban legend to me. It would take a heck of a lot of hydrogen to explode a toilet in this manner, and intestinal gases just don't have that much. Also, any flame would just flare up briefly. With an open toilet, you couldn't get up enough pressure to pop the pot!
What is the origin of the word "poop"?
(Question submitted by Screechr86)

According to Eric Partridge in his excellent book of word origins (Origins: A Short Etymological Dictionary of Modern English), "poop" comes from the Middle English word poupen or popen, and it originally meant "fart." The word was based on the sound of a fart. According to Robert Chapman, author of American Slang, "poop" came into use with its current meaning around 1900.
What Happens When I'm At WORK and I have to Poop?

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable.

For those of you who hate pooping at work as much as I do, I give you the.........

Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work.

Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car & speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee): When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun's pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the shitter. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN): This is a group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVEN: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: A pooper who does not realize that you're in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. TURD BURGLARS have been know to cause premature pinchage, which inevitably causes you to pinch one off in the middle.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: This is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert all potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
DEFENTIONS OF Poop
# GHOST Poop: The kind where you feel the Poop come out, but there is no Poop in the toilet.

# CLEAN Poop: The kind where you Poop it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the paper.

# WET Poop: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels un-wiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with a stain.

# SECOND WAVE Poop: This happens when you're done Pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poop some more.

# POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD-Poop: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

# LINCOLN LOG Poop: The kind of Poop that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

# GASSEY Poop: It's so noisy, everyone within earshot giggles.

# DRINKER Poop: The kind of Poop you have the morning after a night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

# CORN Poop: (Self-explanatory)

# GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-Poop-Poop: The kind where you want to Poop, but all you do is set on the toilet and fart a few times.

# SPINAL TAP Poop: This is when it hurts so badly coming out you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

# WET CHEEKS Poop: (The Power Dump). The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

# LIQUID Poop: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

# MEXICAN Poop:It smells so badly that your nose burns.

# UPPER CLASS Poop: The kind of Poop that has no odor.

# THE SURPRISE Poop: You are not at the toilet because you think you are about to fart but...oops...a

# Poop!!! THE DANGLING Poop: This Poop refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Pooping it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

AdminPermalink Reply by LM Fowler - Admin on March 12, 2009 at 7:08pm

What are other words for poop?
There are lots of them! The lists below are divided into several categories:

* poop (the stuff)
* poop (verbs, passing it)
* diarrhea
* animal droppings
* dingleberries
* constipation.
* miscellaneous poop-related terms
* terms that refer to poop but mean something else

Poop (the stuff, nouns)
aeolian deposit (stain left after an overly ambitious fart)
ah-ah
alpha class (contributed by Kuestiq)
amorphous deposit
anal butter (contributed by STONEB0LD)
anal outlet (contributed by Screechr86)
anal output
anal snakes (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
apu (contributed by Filthyn)
argol
ass apple
ass flakes (contributed by Lordmetal3)
ass goblins (contributed by Lordmetal3)
ass kabobs (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
ass monkeys (contributed by Lunacy)
baby boy or girl (contributed by Catgsg21)
bean (contributed by ShutUrMouth)
bean strings (little strings that sometimes hang off turds - contributed by David C.)
ben (Japanese - contributed by Ghoulslime)
big ol' Texan (contributed by Timzx)
black banana
blind eels (contributed by ELDRM)
blivic (10 lbs of shit in a 5 lb bag)
BM
body wax
bollio (Spanish - pronounced "bo-yo" - contributed by Erica and Alison)
bologna stix (contributed by SWEATY4)
boo-boo (when in pants)
bootycakes (contributed by Lunacy)
boulder
bowel movement
brown balls (contributed by Lordmetal3)
brown birds (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
brown bobbin' ball (contributed by WD714)
brown bomb (contributed by IVIaDmAn)
brown cock (contributed by Popi8899)
brown dildo (contributed by Popi8899)
brown dragons (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
brownie
brown trout (contributed by Maxisguy)
bum brownie
bum nuggets (contributed by Erica and Allison)
bun fudge (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
business
butt clusters (contributed by Jrandolo)
butt gnome (contributed by popothepoop)
butt nugget turdies (contributed by Babygirl)
butt nut (contributed by Yourmamy)
button
byun (Korean - contributed by Ghoulslime)
caca (Mexican slang - contributed by Brandon P.)
cagada (Mexican)
cagadita (Mexican Spanish for small poop - contributed by Brandon P.)
cagadota (Mexican Spanish for huge poop - contributed by Brandon P.)
calabaza (Mexican Spanish slang, literally "pumpkin" - contributed by Brandon P.)
carbuncles (contributed by SWEATY4)
chi-chi
chicken pecking out of one's butt (contributed by ShaftyBL0W)
chocolate banana
chocolate bread loaf (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
chocolate channel chewie
chocolate delight (contributed by ITZtheRUFFrydaz)
chocolate exports (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
chocolate soldier (contributed by Mike K.)
choda (contributed by SWEATY4)
Chubacca chunks (contributed by Screechr86)
chunks (contributed by Stairmaster33)
chunky poop (contributed by DaBizKit)
cigar fish (refers to a turd in the surf or bath - contributed by Cameron A., Brisbaine, Australia)
clinker
cocky
codswallop
coeliac flux
coeliac passion
colon cannonballs (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
colon cobras (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
corndogs
corn eyed butt snake (contributed by Lowing9763)
corn kernal poopie (contributed by Abeoww99)
corn loaf
corn massacre (contributed by Cheetah)
corn porphyry
crab apples (contributed by PGotelli)
crap
crapola
crapsters (contributed by Filthyniga)
creamy butt nuggets (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
crud
crusty critters (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
crut (French)
cupcakes (contributed by Filthyniga)
dark catsup (contributed by SurfWithCowz)
dead soldier
defecation
dejecta
demo (Russian - contributed by Gray)
digested Crayola box (contributed by Cheetah)
dirt
diver down (contributed by Kuestiq)
do-do
dobby
dong (Korean - contributed by Ghoulslime)
doo
doobs
doodie
doodly-squat
dookie
dookie doo
dookie-doop-droop (contributed by Lunacy)
down periscope (contributed by Cheetah)
dreck (Yiddish)
drol (Dutch)
dropping
dump
dumpette
dung
Dunkin' Donuts (contributed by KingofDucks)
Easter Bunny's present (contributed by Cheetah)
egesta
ejecta
ejectamenta
excrement
excreta
exuviae
fecal browns (contributed by Red)
fecal matter (contributed by Filthyn)
fecal pellet
feces
feces freeway find
feculence
floater (one that won't flush)
floaties (little floating ones - contributed by David C.)
foeces
the fourth teletubby (contributed by Neonpax)
frightened turtle (contributed by ShutUrMouth)
fudge
fudge brownie
funky monkey (contributed by ILuvDAC)
glitch
gobbers (contributed by Lordmetal3)
gobjobbers (contributed by Lordmetal3)
golden brownies (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
googe
govno (Russian)
grandpas (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
grunties (contributed by BLAH0761)
ha-ha
ham (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
hardened fudge nuggets (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
hawky
hell's candy (contributed by Yourmamy)
himno (Ukrainian)
hockey
hocky
Hoffenmist (German)
ho-hoes (contributed by Filthyn)
honey
hoya
hyzenga
ice cream (from the Cheech and Chong movie, Up in Smoke - contributed by Fry)
Indian rug burns (contributed by GodspeeDB)
Irish shave
ISH (contributed by Team Louish)
jakes
jobbers (contributed by Lordmetal3)
jobby (Glasgow)
jujubees (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
kaka
kakashka (Russian "piece of poop" - contributed by Gray)
keech (Glasgow)
keester cakes (contributed by Allison, Erica and Kelly)
kiki
kisses (contributed by Autumn)
kuso (Japanese - contributed by Ghoulslime)
lientary
lienteria
lincoln logs (contributed by Shawne L.)
little army men (contributed by Filthyn)
load
loaf
log
looloos (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
lump (contributed by ShutUrMouth)
lumpy fart
majon (Spanish - a big turd - contributed by Junibomb)
merda (Italian and Spanish - contributed by Gray)
merde (French)
mess
miercoles (Mexican Spanish slang, literally "Wednesday" - contributed by Brandon P.)
mierda (Mexican Spanish - contributed by Brandon P.)
mierde (Spanish)
minga
Mississippi mud (contributed by SSCriminl2)
mojon (Mexican Spanish - contributed by Brandon P.)
monglin cluster shit (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
monkey tail (contributed by Julia1G)
monsters that can choke donkeys (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
mooky-stinks (contributed by MonkeyCube)
moomoos (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
Mr. Hanky (contributed by IceCube239)
muck
muky stinks (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
mud bunny
mudfat balls (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
nib
nip
nookie cookie (contributed by IceCube239)
nugs (contributed by Lunacy)
number two
nunny (contributed by Fullten2)
oples and bononos (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
ordure
package (contributed by Poopmaster)
pancake
peanut butter poop (poop that resembles chunky peanut butter - contributed by KickBaba)
pile
pipicaca (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
plop
poo
poop
poop deck (contributed by Cheetah)
poopie
poopie doobles (contributed by Abs0lutelynot)
poopie pie (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
pooplets (contributed by Rachel)
poopness (contributed by Filthyn)
poopoo
poo-poo platter (contributed by Steve)
poopsey (contributed by Filthyn)
poopsie lala
poopsters (contributed by Filthyn)
potty animals (contributed by Filthyn)
product of Uranus
pudding (contributed by LUGZONU)
puddin' taine (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
rectum warriors (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
returds (contributed by Filthyn)
scat (contributed by Codydavipr)
Scheisse (German - contributed by Gray)
schijt (Dutch)
scrapper (contributed by TronDX)
scuba divers (contributed by Filthyn)
sea pickle (contributed by JKOTE1)
sewage
sewer serpents (contributed by SWEATY4)
sewer trout
shat (contributed by Blink182qp)
shit
shite
shit on a shingle (contributed by Junibomb)
shit on a stick (contributed by LUGZONU)
shitsicles (frozen poop - contributed by DopeyAS)
shitsters (contributed by Filthyn)
shiza (German - contributed by ECWBalls)
sissy (contributed by Lisa L.)
skata (Greek)
Skeet (Danish - contributed by Mary S.)
smoked ham (contributed by SWEATY4)
snap (contributed by Cameron A., Brisbaine, Australia)
soil
space slug (contributed by Neonpax)
splasher (contributed by Yourmamy)
squat
S.R.T. (from a child's misspelling of "shit" - contributed by HtsCheese)
steamer
stercoration
stinky pinky (contributed by Silky)
stool
Stoolgang (German)
stoolie
stuff
submarine
Super Shit Man (contributed by Filthyn)
sweet violet
tahi (Malay)
taki (Chamoru)
tangy butt nuts (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
tatertots (contributed by GodspeeDB)
that ain't chocolate puddin'! (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
thirty second buzz (contributed by Nrdbmber)
tinky winky (contributed by Filthyn)
toast
toileteers (contributed by Screechr86)
toilet twinkie (contributed by ShaftyBL0W)
tom cruise missiles (contributed by Sickness74)
tootsie roll
tord (Old English)
toxic turdeys (contributed by LaysTatoChips222)
toy-toy
tree trunks (contributed by Lordmetal3)
tukhus matter
turd
turd tunnel tasty
turtle head poking out (contributed by METALLICA8681 and Cardicum)
turtle tail (contributed by Kris)
tutti (Hindi - contributed by PRECIOUS8582)
uchra (Arabic - contributed by Lilliz23456)
unko (Japanese - contributed by Rik)
wad
water log (contributed by Yourmamy)
the whole shebang (contributed by ShutUrMouth)
wolf bait (contributed by Lunacy)
yellow submarine (contributed by Filthy)
yetto
yit
yukky
Poop (to do it, the verbs)
air out the anus (contributed by Neonpax)
air out the ass (contributed by Neonpax)
arc one out
ass sneezing (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
back the big brown caddy out of the garage (contributed by JERGENISDEAD)
ba-doop (from the sound of a turd striking the water)
bajsa (Swedish)
bake brownies (contributed by ShutUrMouth)
big jobby (contributed by "concerned about crap")
bite a train (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
blast a dookie (invented by Sonicpat and contributed by Stairmaster33)
bloop (from the sound it makes hitting the water - contributed by Mary S.)
blow
blow some mud
bob for apples (contributed by Neonpax)
bog
buang air besar (Malay, lit.: "to throw big water")
build a log cabin
burners (poop that burns after eating spicy food - contributed by torrance crump)
bury cable (contribted by Dave R.)
bust a dook (contributed by Nrdbmber)
bust a shit (contributed by SpRyOko700)
bust ass (contributed by STFALCONS)
cagando (Mexican Spanish - contributed by Brandon P.)
call one's uncle
christen the comfort station (contributed by Silky)
chuck the football (contributed by Neonpax)
clean one's colon (contributed by Big Will)
clear the air
cocken (Yiddish)
cook some beans (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
cop a shit
crap
cut off a load (contributed by Bigbear1289)
defecate
desecrate the throne room
dispatch a Yankee (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
dive bomb
do a dog
do business with John (contributed by popothepoop)
do one's daily duty (or doody)
do one's dirt
do poopsie
do the doo (contributed by Big Will)
down the periscope (contributed by Neonpax)
down the proctoscope (contributed by Megaera)
drop a brick (contributed by LUGZONU)
drop a chalupa (contributed by Beacher)
drop a deuce (contributed by Skiba)
drop a fat load (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
drop a load
drop an atomic bomb (contributed by Lauren)
drop a nuke (contributed by ArchDelux46)
drop ass goblins (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
drop a wad in the porcelain god
drop one from the poop deck (contributed by Lauren)
drop one's wax
drop some bait
drop some friends off at the lake (contributed by Cardicum)
drop the kids off at the pool (contributed by Shmoozie2 and JKOTE1)
dump
dump a dead grandma (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
dump a load
dump truck (contributed by AllyBallyGirl)
ease nature
een drol draaien (Dutch)
empty the manure spreader
empty the poop shoot (contributed by IVIaDmAn)
evacuate one's bowels
excrete fecal matter (contributed by Neonpax)
feed the dog
feed the goldfish
fill the pot (contributed by Mary S.)
flunk a dunk (contributed by Claudia O.)
free the chickens from the coop (contributed by ShaftyBL0W)
free the legless dog to sea (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
frisbee a bun fudge (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
frog a log (contributed by Karl P.)
gagas (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
get a burning desire to sit on porcelain
give birth to a black eel (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
give birth to a marine
give birth to submarines
give of oneself
give sacrifice to the porcelain god (contributed by Eric P.)
go backwards
go clip a yam (contributed by Alicia of Irvine, CA)
go cocky
go for a Tom Tit (Cockney)
go grunt
go number 2 (contributed by Cardicum)
go pop
go stinky
go to bog
go to the library
grow a tail (contributed by JBridgeE)
grump (contributed by Sawa)
hang a rat (contributed by Red)
have a bowel movement
have a turtle head poke out (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
have some fun (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
help out Dunkin' Donuts (contributed by KingofDucks)
hit the can
honey dip
jakksy (Polish - contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
jumpers away (contributed by Lowing9763)
kakat (Russian - contributed by Gray)
kaknel (Armenian - contributed by PorschFrk)
kill a dead eagle (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
launch a log (contributed by Big Will)
launch a sub (contributed by Kuestiq)
lay bricks (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
lay cable (contributed by Mary S.)
lay pipe (contributed by CHZS1219)
lay a turd
lay some sledge (contributed by LUGZONU)
leave a deposit
leave a shit
let the dogs loose (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
let the firetrucks loose (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
lose a farting contest
lose ten pounds in one minute
make
make a caca (contributed by Cardicum)
make a chocolate hamburger (contributed by WD714)
make a deposit in the drop box (contributed by Nrdbmber)
make a deposit in the porcelain bank (contributed by Mgobluefan)
make a house (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
make a little junk (contributed by SurfWithCowz)
make a loaf
make a pass (as in drag racing - contributed by Jake)
make everything come out all right
make poopie
make the donuts (contributed by KingofDucks)
make the people in the apartment below scream in agony (contributed by Jammanz1)
man the deck (contributed by Cheetah)
meditate
misfart
mold an action figure (contributed by SpongeBob)
move the mail (contributed by Jill W.)
murder a mud bunny (contributed by Cameron A., Brisbaine, Australia)
murder a shit (contributed by Cameron A., Brisbaine, Australia)
park a load
pay a visit to the old soldier's home
pay one's doctor bill
pinch a loaf
piss backwards
pitch a log (contributed by Claudia O.)
plant potatoes
plop a load
plunk (contributed by Tracy W.)
poop
poot (contributed by Cello6909)
press a loaf
purp (contributed by BecK98MjR)
push brown (contributed by Cheetah)
recycle some cellulose
refill the bowl with chili (contributed by ML CAR AUDIO)
relieve oneself
relieve the bowels
revolve the beavers (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
ride the porcelain pony
scheissen (German - contributed by Gray)
send a fax (contributed by lin)
send a log to float (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
send some sailors to sea (contributed by Lowing9763)
shit (contributed by Gray)
shoot a dog
shoot bunnies (contributed by James Y., Alabama)
shump (contributed by Sagoria23)
sink submarines
sit on the crapper (contributed by ShaftyBL0W)
sit on the throne
sit on the throne of porcelain (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
skita (Swedish)
smell up the house with horrible turd fumes (contributed by Jammanz1)
smoke a brown dooby (contributed by Neonpax)
soil one's pants
sparkle (contributed by Dazed)
spend a penny (British)
spike a bird's nose (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
sprout a tail (contributed by CoreyW66)
squat
squat and push (contributed by popothepoop)
squeeze a fresh slurpy (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
step into the office (for adults who spend an excessive time in the bathroom at work - contributed by Jake)
stock the pond with some brown trout (contributed by TULLSPRING)
take a crap
take a digi (contributed by Kralltown)
take a duke (contributed by Whrlaway41)
take a dump
take a good crap
take a lovely (contributed by Dwheeler4jesus)
take a plane crash - no survivors (contributed by Preston G.)
take a plumper (contributed by J78CHEEKS)
take a rest (contributed by Cardicum)
take a shit
take a snap (contributed by Cameron A., Brisbaine, Australia)
take care of one's business
talk to a man about a horse (contributed by Aussie)
trash the hash (contributed by Neonpax)
unhitch a load
unload
visit Mr. Hanky (contributed by SurfWithCowz)
visit the chamber of commerce
void one's bowels
wash the walls (contributed by Silky)
william shattnering (contributed by nic and friends)
yell at Mrs. Johnson (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)

Diarrhea
angry firefighters (contributed by Big Will)
Aztec two-step
backdoor trots
back door truts (contributed by CrAzYMiC98)
back way spray (contributed by CrAzYMiC98)
Bass ass (after a night of hard drinking - contributed by Shawn)
blow mud (contributed by Lowing9763)
blow out (contributed by Mary S.)
boggy
booty hole burnout (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
brown bubbles (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
brown river
Bud mud (after a night of hard drinking - contributed by Shawn)
burning urge (contributed by Big Will)
butt dribblets (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
butt drool (contributed by Stinky)
butt gravy (contributed by Lowing9763)
butt juice (contributed by Schlilo)
butt piss (contributed by Timzx)
butt puke (contributed by Jill W.)
butt squeezings (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
Captain D (contributed by torrance crump)
cha cha agua (Spanish - literally "shit water" - contributed by Captain Jeremy H.)
chocolate explosion (contributed by Patrick R.)
chorro (Mexican Spanish for "You got the flu in your hole" - contributed by Brandon P.)
colly wobs
colon blow (contributed by Lowing9763)
Delhi belly
diarea (Mexican Spanish - contributed by Brandon P.)
diarrhea
diatreme
dingbats
down-dru-me's (Notre Dame Bay, Newfoundland)
drizzly shits
Dünnschiss (German - contributed by Gray)
Durchfall (German - contributed by Gray)
fireworks (contributed by Redwing2004)
flats (contributed by Mary S.)
G.I. shits
G.I. trots
G.I.'s
gravy
green-apple quickstep
green apple spatters (contributed by Top Dog)
green apple splatters (contributed by Critic221)
green apple squirts (contributed by ITZtheRUFFrydaz)
grizzly shits
Havana omelet (contributed by Rick N.)
Hershey squirts
hibbey-jibbies
hog cholera
human expresso machine (contributed by Patrick R.)
jalapeno tugboat ride (contributed by Rick N.)
Jerry-go-nimble
Johnny trots
liquid poop (contributed by LUGZONU)
lucy bowels
lurkies
Mexican heartburn
Montezuma's revenge
movies
Mr. Poopy Pants (contributed by Jill W.)
mudslide (contributed by Allbiz74)
oil spill (contributed by Jill W.)
oohs and ahs (contributed by THUMBTAKKHEAD)
pee butt (contributed by Trinitey2000)
Pharaoh's revenge
pizzarhea (runs resulting from the consumption of pizza)
ponos (Russian - contributed by Gray)
poopsie-lao
puke out one's asshole (contributed by Fartinabox)
red anal rovers (contributed by Big Will)
runs
Russian shits
rusty bum wee (contributed by HAWKES281)
rusty water (British - contributed by Sarah and Kevin)
San Francisco shits (contributed by Calvin T.)
scires (contributed by Barny44627)
screaming mimis
scudders
scurvies (contributed by Barny44627)
scutters (Notre Dame Bay, Newfoundland)
shitathlon
shits
shooting soup (contributed by TOOMS722)
shorts
sizzling shits (contributed by Mary S.)
skithers (Quebec English)
skitters (Quebec English)
slides (contributed by Sickness74)
slippery poo
slurry
squiddle (contributed by Mary S.)
squirters
squirts
squitters
sul-sa (Korean - contributed by TJumper78)
summer complaint
supersonic sewer sauce
tapass (contributed by SwimDFly15)
ten-twenties (10 seconds to shit, 20 minutes to wipe)
toilet bowl stew (contributed by Patrick R.)
touristas
trots
trout chili (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
turkey trots
urgents
Vienna squirts (contributed by CaptnHowdy669)
volcanic whoopies
watery explosive (contributed by Sara C.)
wild butt (contributed by TReVO)

Animal Droppings
alley apples (urban horse deposit)
backyard trot treats (dog)
bird lime
bolus (rodent)
bovidung (cow)
buffalo chips
calling card (dog)
carabao biscuits
cattle cookies
chimp chunks
chocolate chips (rodent, rabbit)
clam crunchies
cocoa puffs (rodent, rabbit)
coo plab (cow - Scotland)
cow chips
cow farts (Newfoundland)
cow flops
cow patties
cow pies
cow plate (Newfoundland)
cow platter (Newfoundland)
cow plop
cowslip
dog dirt
dog doo
dog logs
dog mess
doggy doolie
doggy sausage
droppings
dung (contributed by ShaftyBL0W)
dung patties (contributed by ShaftyBL0W)
elephant cookies
elk duds (contributed by Autumn)
fecal pellets
fewmets
flops (cow)
fly specks
frass (caterpillar)
free souveniers (horse, cow)
good luck (dog)
guano (bat, bird)
heifer dust
horse apples
horse balls
horse hockey
kagatzka (goat)
koeieflap (cow - Dutch)
land mines (dog - contributed by Timzx)
lawn sausage (dog)
leopard loaf
manure
meadow dressing (cow)
meadow muffins (horse, cow)
meadow pies (cow)
moose berries
mouse darbies
mouse pills
pasture paddies (cow)
pellets (rodent)
Polish frisbee (cow)
poodle paddies
prairie chips (buffalo, cow)
prairie fuel (buffalo, cow)
prairie pancakes (buffalo, cow)
prairie pastry (buffalo, cow)
presents (dog or cat poop found on the floor in the middle of the night -- contributed by Autumn)
rabbit balls
rabbit buttons
rabbit goobers (contributed by MidnightGlory)
rabbit jellybeans
rabbit marbles
rabbit raisins
road apples (horse) (Midwestern US - contributed by NelsonAnJeanette)
sheep buttons
sheep dip
smart pills (rodent, rabbit)
surface fuel (buffalo, cow)
vermidung (worm)
whitewash (bird)

Dingleberries (balls of fecal matter adhering to the hairs around the anus, either of animals or humans)
army balls (contributed by Poopmaster)
clingons (Newfoundland)
chocolate chips (contributed by Cello6909)
cock monkeys (contributed by Keith from MA)
conkerbells (Newfoundland)
conkerbills (Newfoundland)
crusty clusters (contributed by Poopmaster)
dagoberries
dingcherries (contributed by HtsCheese)
dingle balls
dingleberries
dinkleberry (contributed by PorschFrk)
gollies (New Brunswick)
guffies
john doobies
mustangs
shit bollocks (British - contributed by Sarah and Kevin)
will-nots
winnets (British - contributed by Sarah and Kevin)

Constipation
anal impaction
apathy of the anal sphincter
bound (Newfoundland)
bound up (Newfoundland)
bunged-up dinglebungus
can't get the train out of the tunnel (contributed by A.J.)
clogged up (contributed by Mary S.)
colon congestion (contributed by Big Will)
constipation
constipation proclamation (contributed by Abeoww99)
corked (contributed by ShaftyBL0W)
dry heaves of the anus
far-from-poopin ("German" - contributed by Clay S.)
full of shit
ghost poopie (contributed by Abeoww99)
having one stuck sideways (contributed by Jesse B.)
having two Thanksgiving dinners (contributed by Big Will)
hung chow (contributed by Porchdance)
irregularity
log jam (contributed by Mary S.)
plugged up
pop-a-vein in the forehead poopy (contributed by Mary S.)
rectal congestion
redwoods (contributed by Mary S.)
the strains
stuck up

Miscellaneous Poop-Related Terms
Students in Erie, PA (late 1980s) refered to the waste-water treatment plant as "the shit factory."
Jill W. says that a person who works in a waste-water treatment plant is a "turd-herder."
Nelson A. refers to people who are pooping as "anal lumberjacks."
NakedEwok says that "crowning" is a word for an urgent need to poop.
Tom B. and his friends use the term "poopaltaneously" to describe two or more people pooping simultaneously, as in adjacent stalls in a public restroom.
Similarly, Jake refers to such simultaneous pooping in adjacent public stalls as a "drag race."
If someone is constipated, Poopmaster says, "Get the ass plunger!"

Terms That Refer to Poop, But Mean Something Else
A.J. points out that the expression "Shit a brick" means to be pissed off.
In Newfoundland, if you "shit-haul" your vehicle, it means you are treating it badly, like taking it where only a 4-wheel drive vehicle should go, or loading up the bed of a pick-up with too much weight.
Also from Newfoundland is the term "shit-baked," which means terrified.
"Shit-faced" means drunk.

Poop rhymes from the schoolyard: a treasury of childhood pooplore
Mama Mia
(from Little Rock, AR 1984)

Mama Mia,
Papa Pia,
Baby's got the diarrhea!
Mama said it wouldn't hurt,
So Daddy ate it for dessert!

Diarrhea, Bum, Bum
(from Chicago, IL 1973)

Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Some people think it's funny,
But it's really dark and runny,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
It needn't cause you pain,
You just sit and let it drain,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
It's painful as it issues
From those hot and burning tissues,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
It's stinky, brown and smelly
As it chugs out of your belly,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
It's made of corn and beans
And it comes in shades of greens,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum!

(contributed by NakedEwok)

When you're standin' in the shower
And you smell somethin sour,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum!
When you're slidin' into home
And your pants are full of foam,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum!
When you smell somethin' funky
And your pants are feelin chunky,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum!
When you're sittin' in a class,
And that fart let out more than gas,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum!

(contributed by Vadar)

Some people think it's poop,
But it's really Campbells soup!

(from Newfoundland, 1983)

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
Some people think it's funny,
But it's good with toast and honey,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(from Erie, PA, 1989)

I wake up in the morning, put my foot to the floor,
Make a fifty-yard dash to the bathroom door,
Diarrhea, uh! uh!
Diarrhea, uh!
No pain, no strain,
Just let it drain,
Diarrhea, uh! uh!
Diarrhea, uh!
Some people think it's gross,
But it's really toast.
Diarrhea, uh! uh!
Diarrhea, uh!
Sittin' in the pool,
And I felt something cool,
Diarrhea, uh! uh!
Diarrhea, uh!
I was walkin' down the hall,
And I felt somethin' fall,
Diarrhea, uh! uh!
Diarrhea, uh!

(contributed by Kryptoman)

Some people think it's gross,
But it's really good on toast!
Diarrhea, diarrhea!

(contributed by Dwheeler4jesus)

Diarrhea..uh uh
Diarrhea..uh uh
Set on the pot
And give it all you got!
Diarrhea..uh uh
Diarrhea..uh uh
People think its funny,
But it is really hot and runny!!
Diarrhea..uh uh
Diarrhea..uh uh

(contributed by Mae M., from Youngstown, OH, 1989)

Dia-uh-uh!
Dia-uh-uh!
Going to first,
Pants about to burst,
Dia-uh-uh!
Dia-uh-uh!
Going to second,
Can't wait another second,
Dia-uh-uh!
Dia-uh-uh!
Going to third,
Laying little turds,
Dia-uh-uh!
Dia-uh-uh!
Going to home,
Pants are full of foam,
Dia-uh-uh!
Dia-uh-uh!

(contributed by Dan)

Wake up in the morning, put your feet on the floor,
Do the fifty yard dash to the bathroom door,
Diarrhea!
When you're sliding into first,
And you feel something burst,
Diarrhea!
When you're sliding into third,
And you lay a juicy turd, (or) And you feel a floppy turd. (alternate line contributed by Mllindmeyer)
Diarrhea!
When you're sliding into home,
And you feel something foam,
Diarrhea!

(contributed by John M.)

When you hit and run to first
And you feel you're gonna burst
Diarrhea, diarrhea!
And off you run to second,
You can't wait another second,
Diarrhea, diarrhea!
You make it on to third
And you feel a squishy turd,
Diarrhea, diarrhea!

(contributed by anonymous)

When you're sitting in the lodge,
And you feel like you've been hit by a Dodge,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When you're sittin' in the grass,
And you feel something slide out your ass,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by Julia1G)

When the cops are on your trail,
And you have a monkey tail,
Diarrhea, diarrhea!

(contributed by DbandKaiko)

When you feel a big sag
And people want to gag,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by BACC4MORE)

If you're sliding on a slide,
And you feel something glide,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by Sonya, 1999)

Diarrhea cha cha cha !
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
When you're carrying your bags and you feel something sag,
Diarrhea cha cha cha!
Diarrhea cha cha cha!
When you're swimming in the ocean and you feel an explosion,
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
When you're walking in the rain and you feel something drain,
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
When you're swimming in the pool and you feel something drool,
Diarrhea cha cha cha !

(contributed by Cletus027)

When you are sitting in the bath and you hear a big ol' splash..
Diarrhea cha cha cha!
Diarrhea cha cha cha!

(contributed by Porschfrk, 1999)

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When you're taking a dump
And you look like Forest Gump,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When you're riding in your Chevy (or) When you're sittin' in your Chevy (alternate line contributed by Shag5855)
And you feel something heavy, (or) Your pants are gettin' heavy (alternate line contributed by Abs0lutelynot)
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When you're standing by the wall
And you feel something fall,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When you're sitting in your chair
And you feel something tear,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When you're working out
And you hear your ass shout,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
After you eat Chinese
And you hear your ass say, PLEASE!
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When you eat a Big Mac
And you feel something crack
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When your ass is very hairy
And you feel a dinkleberry,
DIARRHEA! DIARRHEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(contributed by Cheetah, 1999)

Diarrhea, diarrhea!
When you're watchin' TV
And it feels like a pee
Diarrhea, diarrhea!
When you're sliding into 3rd
And you feel a squishy turd
Diarrhea, diarrhea!

(contributed by 3-Tude-3, words by Piper H.)

If you're climbing up a ladder
And you feel something splatter,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you're sitting on your bed
And you feel something spread,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by MMK)

When you're sitting in the dirt,
And you feel something squirt,
Diarrhea!

(contributed by AceManAL)

When you get out of bed
And you see some lead,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by HwFViCEPreZ)

If you're riding into town
And you see something brown,
Diarrhea!
If you're riding in a Pinto
And something flies in the window,
Diarrhea!
If you're riding in a taxi
And you feel something waxy,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you're driving in a Ford
And something pops out of a board,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you have a cat
And you see some scat,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you're sittin' on the pot
And you think it's gettin' hot,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you feel something runny
And you don't think it's funny
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you see a brown nut
And something pops out of your butt,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you see something dark and runny
And it's comin' from a bunny,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you feel you need to defecate
But you just can't wait,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by SURFDOODES)

I was digging with a shovel
And I felt something bubble,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by DMX68287)

When you're hootin' with the owls,
And you have to move your bowels,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by Vickey1212)

Diarrhea!
Diarrhea!
You can tell
By the smell
That you ain't feelin' well !
Diarrhea!

Yum, Yum, Bubble Gum
(from St. John's, Newfoundland 1983)

Yum, yum, bubble gum,
Stick it up the baby's bum;
When it's brown
Take it down,
Yum, yum, bubble gum!

Yum, yum, bubble gum,
Stick it up the teacher's bum;
When it's black,
Take it back,
Yum, yum, bubble gum!
Birdie, Birdie
(from Syracuse, New York, 1968)

Birdie, birdie, in the sky
Dropped some whitewash in my eye;
I don't worry, I don't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly!

(from Cottage Grove, MN 1974)

Birdie, birdie in the sky,
Drop a tirdie in my eye.
I don't fret and I don't cry,
I'se just glad that cows don't fly!

(contributed by Zarpad, 1999)

Birdy, Birdy in the sky,
Why'd you do that in my eye?
Looks like coffee, tastes like spit... or Looks like ice cream, tastes like spit... (contributed by Jody)
Oh my god! It's birdy shit!
That's Amore!
(contributed by Andrea H.)

When a cow in the sky
Drops a pie in your eye,
That's amore!
Little Robin Redbreast
(from Syracuse, NY, 1963)

Little Robin Redbreast,
Sitting on a pole,
Niddy-noddy went his head
And poop went his hole!
We're Eating Horse Manure
(from Syracuse, NY 1964)

We're eating horse manure,
We found it in the sewer;
Horse manure, fun to eat!
Horse manure, what a treat!
Horse manure! Horse manure!

Milk, Milk, Lemonade
(All accompanied by appropriate gestures)

(from Fayette, IA, 1958)

Milk, milk, lemonade,
Round the corner, fudge is made.

(from Cottage Grove, MN, 1974 - these lines are often added to the previous ones)

Put your finger up the hole,
Out will come a tootsie roll.

(or, alternate version contributed by K8KINS)

Stick your finger in your hole,
Now you have a tootsie roll.

(contributed by DGNR81106, 1999)

Stick your finger all the way,
Out pops a Milky Way!
Stick it up a little more,
Out comes a fudgy s'more!

(from Jainesville, WI, 1964)

Push the buttons, pull the chain,
Round the corner, fudge is made.

(from Dewitt, AR, 1972)

Push the button, pull the chain,
And out comes a chocolate choo-choo train.
Nanna, Nanna, Boo-Boo
(from Little Rock, AR, 1985)

Nanna, nanna, boo-boo,
Stick your head in doo-doo. (or poo-poo)
The Flying Turd
(from Jacksonville, AR, 1960)

The days were old, the nights were blue,
And through the alleys the shit wagons flew.
A bump was hit, a cry was heard,
A man was killed by a flying turd!

(contributed by Mary S.:)

The sky was black, the moon was blue,
And down the alley the shit wagon flew;
A bump was hit, a scream was heard,
And Johnny was hit by a flying turd! [Substitute the name of your choice for Johnny.]

(contributed by KMD8993)

The night was dark, the moon was blue,
Around the corner the shit wagon flew;
Johnny stood there and couldn't say a word; [Substitute the name of your choice for Johnny.]
He was choking on a flying turd!

(contributed by NakedEwok)

The night was dark, the sky was blue,
Around the corner the poop wagon flew.
Shots were fired, a scream was heard,
A man was killed by a flying turd.
In Days of Old
(contributed by ShiftyTrax)

In days of old
When knights were bold
And toilets weren't invented,
They left their load
Beside the road
And walked away contented.
Stranded
(from Plano, TX, 1972)

(to the tune of Branded)

Stranded, stranded on the toilet bowl,
What do you do when you're stranded
And you don't have a roll?

To prove you're a man,
You must wipe with your hand,
Da - Da - Daaaa... Stranded!

To prove you're a girl,
You must wipe with a curl,
Da - Da - Daaaa... Stranded!
Here I Sit
(from Buffalo, NY, 1979)

Here I sit, broken-hearted,
Paid a dime but only farted.
Yesterday I took a chance,
Saved a dime but shat my pants.

(Submitted by Mary:)

Here I sit, broken-hearted, (or) There I sat, broken-hearted, (variant submitted by John M.)
Had to shit but only farted. (or) Tried to shit but only farted. (variant submitted by Angelfan)

(Submitted by RaiderEp:)

Here I sit all broken hearted,
Tried to shit but only farted!
Here I sit in a trance,
Tried to fart, but shit my pants!

(Submitted by BigZ)

Here I sit all broken hearted;
Paid a nickle to shit and only farted.
If that nickle broke your heart,
I hope you shit every time you fart.

(Submitted by SlarryMBOB)

Here I sit, broken hearted,
Tried to shit but only farted;
Then one day I took a chance,
Tried to fart but shit my pants!

(Submitted by Aryeh G.)

Here I sit, cheeks a-flexin',
Giving birth to another Texan.

(Submitted by Louise L.)

As I sat on the pooper,
I gave birth to a new state trooper!
Some Come Here
(Submitted by bob cowboy)

Some come here to sit and think,
But I come here to shit and stink!
Here I Sit to Take a Shit
(Poem from Mike B. of Ohio, submitted by Aaron O.)

Here I sit to take a shit;
I pushed a load,
But nothing showed,
I realized something was amiss,
I came in here to take a piss.
Billy Baker
(Submitted by Mary S.)

Billy Baker, the candlestick maker,
Wiped his butt on a piece of paper;
The paper was so thin
His finger slipped in
And, oh, what a hell of a shape Billy Baker was in!
Those Who Write on Shithouse Walls
(Submitted by Scott)

Those who write on shithouse walls
Roll their shit in little balls;
Those who read these words of wit
Eat those little balls of shit.
Over the Hills and Far Away
(Submitted by Calvin T.)

Over the hills and far away,
I saw something; it looked like clay.
I picked it up and ate it;
Oh, my God! It's a piece of shit!

Poopy, Poopy in my Pants
(Submitted by Cheetah)

Poopy, poopy in my pants,
Please, oh please, I need another chance!
Poopy poopy in my bum,
Musta been the juicy plums!
When I think about it
I really gotta shout it
POOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joy to the Poop
(Submitted by Cheetah)

Joy to the poop,
I flushed it down;
It made a gassy sound
But when I crap soon
There might be an explosive boom!
Here It Is In Smelly Vapors
(Submitted by HtsCheese)

Here it is in smelly vapors,
Someone stole the toilet paper.
How much longer shall I linger
Till I'm forced to use my finger?
Cinnamon Plop Biscuits
(Submitted by Mr. Buttsy)

A family restaurant - delicious
Eggs and sauasage-bacon vicious
I run and shit out rocks of Christmas
Thanks to Bob's drop-plop biscuits.
Maybe
(Submitted by Pookee316)

MAYBE I"ll fart and maybe you'll smell it,
Maybe I'll put in a jar and sell it...
And if you really like the smell of it you can come in the bathroom next time I take a DOOKIE!!
Me Mudder
(Submitted by KMD8993)

When me prayers are poorly said, who tucks me in me little bed and spanks me 'til me ass is red, me mudder.
Who would me hair so gently part, and hug me close up to her heart, and sometimes squeeze me til me fart, me mudder.
Who looked at me with eyebrows knit, and nearly had a king size fit, when in me Sunday pants me shit, me mudder.
When at night the bed did squeak, me raised me head to take a peak, who yelled at me " go back to sleep", me fadder.
I Had a Turd
(Submitted by NakedEwok)

I had a turd whose name was Sal,
Sixteen miles on the anal canal.

Poop, Poop
(Submitted by EVILinPINK14)

Poop, poop, stinky and brown,
The more I sniff, the more I frown,
The more I crap the more I smile,
So let's take craps all the while!
Tubby, Tubby Two-By-Four
(Submitted by TufFeet262)

Tubby, Tubby, two-by-four,
Couldn't fit through the bathroom door,
So she did it on the floor,
Licked it up and did some more.
Mambo #5
(Submitted by Allison, Erica and Kelly)

1-2-3-4-5
Come on, everybody, let's poop and jive!
All da way to the poopy land
And we can play together in the poopy sand.
[Chorus]
A litlle bit of kaka in my pants,
A little bit of poop covered ants,
A little bit of kakasha all da way,
A little bit of bull shit in da hay,
A little bit of doodoo; baby. do you want some?
Hey! get the poo off my bum!!

Poop Riddles
Why did Piglet look in the toilet? He wanted to see Pooh!

What do toilet paper and and the Star Ship Enterprise have in common? They both fly around Uranus looking for Klingons. (Submitted by Mary S.)

Why are turds tapered? So your anus won't slam shut after it comes out. (Submitted by Brian)

Why are turds always tired? Because they're pooped out! (Submitted by Cheri and Mike D.)

Poop Sayings
"I need to poop so bad I've got lumps in my throat."
"Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day." - Harry S Truman, contributed by UprightCitizen1.
What you say to someone who is hard to understand: "You sound like a shit salesman with a mouthful of samples." Contributed by Shari J. of Sacramento, CA.

AdminPermalink Reply by LM Fowler - Admin on March 12, 2009 at 7:19pm